Dajuan & Nathaniel

Dajuan, 28

Nathaniel, 5 months

"My father was a big time hustler in Newark. He started the Zoo Crew. Most people, when they hear about the Zoo Crew they think about the basketball team. My father started the original Zoo Crew in Newark. He was the leader. He got the fed charges when everybody got locked up. He got the big charges. At the time I was so young I really didn't know. You don't really know what it means when your father is not around until somebody sits you down and tells you. Nobody told me. I kinda' seen it with my own eyes like, 'why am I always with my grandfather?' I remember when my mother told me, when I was like 10: 'your father is going away for a long time. A very long time.' She never told me what for but as I got older I found out for myself. People told me like, 'your father was this, your father was that.' You know, as you get older you start picking up phones, the Internet. I never really knew much about my father but I read about him. Googled him. His name is Terrence "Mustafa" Dent. Some of the stories I was hearing from people made me look at him, like, 'Damn.' I don't know that man. I don't know that man that y'all know. I wasn't around that man. By the time he came home I already graduated high school. Even now that he's home I go over there and say 'wassup' to him but that's not something that I make an obligation. When he was a father and he had a chance to make me his obligation, he didn't. Not saying I hold it against him, but as a man I'm not going over there. I'm not taking my son there. If anything, I'ma take my son to my grandfather's grave site and tell him, 'this is who showed me how to be a man.'"

"My mother worked a lot so I was always with my grandfather. I looked at him like he was my father. I didn't even have to ask. I already knew from the things that he was doing: buying me sneakers, taking me out, taking me to the park. Making sure I woke up in the morning to clean up, or just do something constructive. Everything I do today, I got from my grandfather. My grandfather was very athletic. He showed me that sports can take you a long way. My grandfather took me fishing and showed me different things. He showed me that you don't always gotta' be outside, standing on the corner, doing nothing. He told me, 'If you gonna' do something, really do it.' He made a garden in his backyard in Irvington. A whole garden. Cucumbers, tomatoes, everything. Don't gotta' go to the grocery store for nothing. That's exactly what I'ma show my son. My grandfather led by example. He didn't talk much but when he spoke, I knew he was serious; that he wasn't playing. That’s who I named my son after. Nathaniel. That's my grandfather's name."

"I was growing up a lot faster than I was supposed to. I grew up on a block where they sold a lot of drugs. When I'd come outside the next person around my age on the block was like, 29. I was 14. So, I wasn't seeing kid shit. I'm seeing all adult shit; people shooting at each other, selling drugs. I'm thinking that's normal but at the end of the day, I'm knowing that it isn't. My mother was always telling me, 'don’t you do that. Don’t let me see you doing that.' She was a real mother. Like I really, really, really, for a fact, got mad love for my mother, no matter what. She always broke it down to me. She let me learn but she ain't let me kill myself. She ain't throw me to the wolves. She let me know, like, 'you know there are wolves out there. You go out past that line they gon' get you.' She wasn't a regular person. She was so strong. I watched my mother come home from 3 jobs. I still remember. Saint Michael's, Beth Israel, and Barnabas. 3 hospital jobs. Some days she would go to 2 jobs, some days, all 3...and I wasn't an only child, so I watched her do this with 3 other siblings, keeping everything in rotation. Keeping everybody happy and she never asked for handouts. I would watch her like, 'how you do that?'"

"As I got older, you know, I wanted to find out who I was, wanted to find myself, so I played a lot of sports. I played football, basketball, and baseball. Before I went to Weequahic, I went to Bloomfield Tech. Around the time I went there they were the number one basketball team in New Jersey. I wound up getting kicked out, though. Being young, not knowing, you know. When kids got an opportunity at hand and they don't know that it's a big opportunity, they don't take heed to it 'till it's over or until somebody tells them about it. Nobody told me, so I never really knew. I was just a kid from Newark acting like an asshole. I'm out here, I'm doing what I wanna' do. I'm hanging with gangs and doing shit that you're not supposed to be doing as you grow up because it could've killed me. That's why I'm glad that I have him so that I can raise him right and tell him the things that I did and that he shouldn't do."

"Sometimes a parent really doesn’t know what's going on. They try to find out what's going on when it's too late. You just gotta' be on top of your game. On everything. There's a lot of people who don't get to see 15, 16, 17, plus. It's all kind of a freestyle. You watch him but you gotta' give him some space to let him do what he's gonna do. You gotta' let him make mistakes but also be there when he makes those mistakes."

"You can't just have a kid and be out here living for yourself. I'm definitely gonna be there and let him know how things are because I can't fault him for not knowing. No matter how many times I tell him not to do something he's gonna' want to try to see for himself, but I'ma let him know. I still got friends that are knee deep in stuff, so I'll show him, like, 'you see why they're in the position they're in now?' You gotta show him. You can't just tell him."

"Everybody said I was supposed to have a girl but I'm glad I had a boy. There's a lot of things I could show him. But growing up in Newark, it's only two paths. Either you gon' do the right thing or you gon' do the wrong thing and get caught up in these streets. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. If you get caught in these streets either you gon' die or you gon' be in jail. I already made that clear, jail is not something I wanna' go back to. When I was hustling I got locked up. I didn't stay that long but that showed me that I don't wanna' hustle no more. Right now I work for the Daily News. All I think about is providing for my son. Gotta' make sure he got college fund money so he can go to college, which is something I didn't officially do."

"Growing up, my grandfather took me with him to watch him play softball, basketball, and baseball. It was natural. I caught on and was really athletic, so I hope that he has that. I want my son to use his brain with sports. If he does that, then he won't be a regular person. He'll be out of this world! I talk to my son like he’s a regular person. Full conversations with him, like he's my age. He looks at me like, 'you crazy as hell.'"