Dave & Ashton

Dave, 27

Ashton, 8

"Growing up in Newark I was never eally into the normal things that people were into. I was a lonely kid. I didn't really have too many friends. I was one of those kids that probably had like 1 friend per school that I went to. I never was consumed by a lot of the things I saw going on around me. My household wasn't the best but I enjoyed my childhood. There was drinking and stuff but just from seeing it at home and seeing it outside I knew I never wanted to be part of what I saw. As I got older I started joining clubs, playing ball, and finding opportunities just to keep me away from situations at home or in my neighborhood."

"I was raised by my mother but my father was always around. He had a great infuence on me. He was like my weekend outlet from whatever was going on at home. He taught me that regardless of the things that were happening around me, I gotta' be better than that. I never been afraid to be a family man. I wanted to be a parent at a young age, just from seeing my dad. He was always a guy that was responsible and took care of his family. I carry that myself, too. Family first."

"Growing up, my father was my predominant male figure but I never saw him have a healthy relationship with a woman. He was always a good father, though. Later, when my father got married, that’s when I realized it's not just about being a good father, but also being a good family man. That's when I seen my father become a true family man. It was then that I started doing things to create stability for my son. Started building towards a household so that it's not just me and him. Not jumping in and out of relationships anymore. It got to a point where I had 3 girlfriends and my son came to me and was like, 'Daddy, why you keep breaking up with people? Why you keep leaving everybody? I felt sorry that he even had to question me. Kids pick up on a lot so I had to better myself mentally and learn myself, to lead a better example and create more stability. So, one thing I did was I got with somebody who had the same interests as me. My girlfriend, now. We share a child and she also has her own child. We do a lot of family things together. I see the bigger picture now."

"I was never too expressive. Being a person who internalized everything, it would affect me subconsciously. If I was in school and I had a paper but something would come up with my kid, I would say forget the paper, and go take care of my kid. Eventually I ended up on academic probation. Then, I flunked out of school for a while. It was hard, 'cause I'm thinknig if I dont get a college education I can't get a good job to take care of my kid. I have a lot of friends that I graduated with who were now getting good jobs so I felt out of place with, like, keeping up with them. It got to a point where being a parent was no longer a super hero thing. I felt like a statistic, like everybody else. I started beating myself down. Life really started hitting me. I wound up losing the job that I had at the time. I was still living with my mom but me losing my job made the household worse, so that was a really dark place. For me, as a person trying to get his independence early in his life, I was hard on myself. Felt worthless 'cause I had a kid to take care of and he couln't look up to me and ask me for things. For anybody that's a parent, man, whenever your child asks you for something and you think to yourself I can't do it, it makes you feel like crap. So, a lot of that was going on, which was rough but I still had my dad around, who would help me, here and there. Eventually things picked back up."

"It's daily motivation, knowing that somebody depends on you. You never give up on yourself and you never slack. The fact that somebody depends on you makes you want to be greater than what you are. That's also the hardest part, too. It weighs on you sometimes, especially when things happen that are out of your control. It can really break you down when your kid needs something and you can't provide it in that moment."

"My son being a part of my college graduation meant a lot to me. Just my son being a part of any triumph. Any accomplishment that I get, my son is right there with me, 'cause he was with me through all the struggles. Whenever I accomplish something it's an accomplishment for him, too, and vice-versa."

"Everyday I tell my son to be great. Don't try to fit in. Always be the person to stand out, you know? Hopefully he'll understand what that means as he gets older, and try to apply it to his life. I always tell my kids, 'respect your process. Life is an uphill battle. You can't expect to just get on a helicopter and get to the top.'"

"I support him the same way my parents supported me. I'm not gon' push him in any one direction. I just hope from him being around me so much, he'll pick up on some of the things that I do and some of the qualities I have. He's into robots, architecture, and science projects. He's real technical. Loves video games. He'll say to me though, 'Daddy, I can't wait to have a job and take care of my family.' I just want the best for him. Knowing what I know now, I want him to have a better life than I did. He'll go through struggles, but not on his own. I went through 90% of my struggles on my own. I won't push him in any direction. Wherever his heart is, I'll support him.

"I just want him to love what he does. Love himself and the people around him. Loving yourself will make you a better person. If you love others, you'll understand that you're not just here for yourself."