Anibal & Annaleigh

Anibal, 24

Annaleigh, 1

"I was born in Newark but my family is from El Salvador. They came here illegally. So did my grandparents and everybody else. My mom and my dad split up when I was 2. My whole life I basically had a split family. I never had 1 place to call home. I grew up with my stepfather, who I consider like my pops. We ain't have the best relationship 'cause he had problems, like, he used to be very heavy with the alcohol and shit like that. I ended up seeing a lot of shit I didn't wanna' see. My stepfather, he would drink, get into fights with my mom, hit her and all that shit. I seen cops come to my house and handcuff him to a fuckin' chair 'cause he was hitting my mom. And I was a fuckin' kid, you know what I'm saying?"

"Every weekend I would go with my father but I would mostly stay with my grandmother, 'cause he would drink, too. He would try to take me to his crib, but I would cry 'cause I didn't feel comfortable. It was just a lot of instability growing up. The same thing that was happening at my mother's house was happening on his side so I was mostly raised by my grandmother. She taught me manners and different things but I never had a man to be like, 'yo this is how you do this and that.' It was always my grandmother and mom dukes holding it down, but a mom can't teach you what a dad is supposed to teach you and vice versa."

"It was 2 families, 2 different problems, 2 different ways of living. I was in the midst of all that. Every holiday I would cry, bro. Every holiday it would be like, Damn, I gotta' see my dad but I wanna' be with my mother. Know what I'm saying? Or he would call me, like on New Years, and say 'Happy New Year' and I would just bust down crying."

"Moms always came through every Christmas, and shit like that. Pops would give me some simple shit, like a sweater, while my mom would get me, like, a Gamecube. My stepfather never really worked, so my mom would always put on the Christmas gift, 'From Mami and Papi,' but I knew damn well he didn't pay for shit, you know what I'm saying? But my mom always tried to make the best out of the situation, man. She used to cry, like, 'I'm sorry I'm putting you through this. I'm sorry you guys had to go through this. A lot of us come from broken homes and have no guidance. And what guidance would the city give you? It's hood, you got liquor stores all around us. Kids see that. Oh yeah, my pops always going to the liquor store, so I'ma go to the liquor store. It starts early. We grow up faster than we want to."

"I grew with that whole feeling of an outsider. Even though I wasn't openly treated that way. Like, with my stepfather, as much as I love him, I feel like he didn't treat me the same because I wasn't his. And my real father...he don't even know half of the shit I did as a kid. To this day, he doesn't even know the real me. It sucks. I always felt like the black sheep because my dad started a family and stood with that family, and my mother started a family and stood with that family. I was the only one out of everybody like, 'Oh that's not my real mother, that's not my real father.' I grew with that with that deep down in my chest, like, it's not something I talk about much but I grew with that, you know what I'm saying?"

"Now, with me having a daughter, that's the most valuable thing. Family. It's crazy for somebody to value that so much when they didn't even have it but that's just a part of me being a man now. I gotta' do right, you know what I'm saying? The best thing I could do is give my daughter that. I don't want that cycle to keep going. Even when I was younger, going to school I didn't feel any different 'cause all the other kids were in the same situations. It became a norm, talking to other kids and meeting kids, like, 'Oh, you got a stepfather, too?' It was a norm growing up but now as a grown man it's like, Yo I wanna' do different. I wanna' stay with my baby mother and pull through because where I'm from, that doesn't happen. People don't stay together. People don't really love each other, you know what I'm saying? Even my grandparents split up and they're old. So my main priority is to give my daughter a household with her mother and her father. I don't give a fuck if we live in a box, I want her to have a stable family."

"Me having my daughter was really like, Yo you're a man now. The instant I held her, it was a different feeling. My mind just got different. My hustle got different. My perception and just my reactions...everything got different. But different in a much wiser way. It's crazy 'cause my father sees how I handle my daughter and he tells me, 'I wish I could be like you. He'll call me, crying, like, 'Im sorry I wasn't there. Or, like, 'Yo I wish I was half the man you are with your daughter. I wish I would've taken you serious, how you take your daughter serious.' For the person that was supposed to teach me, to tell me that he looks up to me was the confirmation that, you're a man now. You did this on your own. You didn't have a voice over your shoulder, telling you, 'Change her diaper. Yeah, make that milk.' I didn't have that. So I did that on my own and I feel like there's no greater feeling than that."

"The reason I go hard with the music is for that. It's so I could buy a house for my daughter. So I could buy her her first car when she needs it. The value of family became real to me because I didn't have that. I can't be in the streets because there's only 2 ways out. Either jail or a casket, you know what I'm saying? I've had friends who had kids at a very young age but they haven't been there every step because they had to do jail time. My boy Henry, rest in peace, he just left his son. Overdosed. My other boy got shot in the head and he left his son, you know what I'm saying? So now I'm like, bro that can't be me. I can't leave my daughter. I can't fail. I will not put her through what I went through."

"When I found out I was having her, I was working at U-Haul at the time. Not really making any money, so I had to ask myself, like, 'What am I gonna' do to provide for a child?' I always felt like, 'yo I wanna' make it, I wanna' make it,' but now, 'I wanna' make it' became a priority. Music is my only way out. I didn't do good in high school. I didn't go to college. I didn't have a man to be like, 'Yo, this is how you do a oil change. This is how you fix a car. Know what I'm saying? I didn't know how to do shit men were supposed to know how to do 'cause I didn't have that. So I looked at it like, 'Yo, my way of doing this for my daughter is only what I know, which is this music shit.' The only shit I ever took serious in life. This is the only way because I fucked up when I was younger."

"The shit with raising a kid in Newark is you gotta' teach them to defend themselves. Not only physically but mentally. You gotta' prepare your kid to face a whole bunch of obstacles, nah' mean? From the school system not being what it's supposed to be, to kids picking on you, to you having to prove yourself, to you feeling accepted. Plus a whole lotta' shit in between. Raising your kid in Newark is like walking your kid through a battlefield. I know I don't wanna' give my daughter that. I don't want my daughter to grow up with a guard. I want her to experience life however it comes to her. So now it's like, what am I gonna' do, as a man, to not take my daughter through that?"

"My favorite part, bro, is the love. It's very unfiltered and pure. It's not like anything else. You can't explain it. It's like constant gravity. The love is my favorite thing. Just waking up to my daughter everyday, and just receiving that hug, you know what I'm saying? That's the best part of every day. Waking up to that. That's the thing that I cherish the most. Just how much my daughter loves me. I don't feel like anybody else is gonna' love me that way. Just knowing that this is what you wake up for. This is what you hustle for. This is what you live for. It's motivating as hell. Waking up everyday, knowing that you gotta' take care of somebody."

"I just hope she grows up to be herself. I hope that whatever she finds and whatever she goes through and accomplishes, I want it to be 'cause she wants it. If you wanna' sing, go 'head. If you wanna' be a artist, or dancer, or a teacher, lawyer, whatever you wanna' do, I'm with you a hundred and fifty percent. I feel like in Newark it's just a whole lot of people that are self conscious and loathing. Especially after years of seeing the same shit and not having anybody to show you anything different. So, it's important for her to be herself. To be a leader and set her own standards."