Darius & Dysir

Darius, 26

Dysir, 2

"I grew up right here all my life, in the South Ward. Newark, New Jersey. Basically, I grew up like damn near everybody else. It was struggle. Single parent. My mother, she had 2 boys and she tried her best to do what she needed to do, like keeping a roof over our heads, or whatever. My father...I wouldn't say that he wasn't around but he was in and out of jail and on the streets, so that was kinda' hard. Growing up, I remember him being around in the earlier years. I never doubted that my father loved me, but he wasn't around at the times that I needed him. I would say the real hard years were like 13, 14, 15. I remember graduating 8th grade and he wasn't there and I didn't know where he was at. And my grandmother died...I really needed him but he was locked up, so that left my mother to hold everything down for us.

"Before my grandmother died, she kinda' laid everything on me, like, 'This is where your father is. Your father been in jail for this amount of years, or whatever.' That really hurt me 'cause at that age I felt like I had no one. My grandmother was my best friend and she died. I had 2 uncles which were his brothers. They really played a big part of my life, too, like father figures, but they moved to Maryland. So once they left and my grandmother died, it was just me. That's when I started dibbling and dabbling in the streets... Running around, doing shit I ain't supposed to be doing, know what I'm saying? That was a tough age for me."

"Real talk, now I see what my mother was going through. She raised 2 boys out here. In Newark... Hawthorne Avenue, right there? Shit is a war zone. At least it used to be. People couldn't walk on Hawthorne. It was terrible. My teenage years. That's when all that was going on so when I was going outside everyday it really felt like it could be a time where I don't come back. It's real man. It's hard. Thats why I just try to instill some of the things that I learned in him so once he gets to that age he's already prepared to hit the world. He's already prepared and could handle himself out here on these streets."

"Him actually being born, like, that opened my mind to having even more respect for a woman. You carried a whole human being! It's crazy. That's ridiculous to me. I tell my babymother all the time, like, if it was up to me to have a child? Or men in general? Shit...Man, listen. The population would be so low."

"The first time he start walking, he was 10 months. That was big for me. It was like, damn, that really showed that he was growing...Even though I seen it everyday, but still. You go from just holding him...he's sleeping all day and not doing too much, to walking and running around. Man, that was big for me."

"My biggest fear is getting that call. You know that call that we see so much out here. The craziest part is that my mother got that call. As soon as I graduated high school, this was '09, a week later I got shot. Nobody wants to get that call, hearing that your child got shot. Being shot was the scariest experience ever man, like... It's still real touchy to talk about. I had to learn how to talk and walk again."

"I got shot in the chest. It hit my pancreas and nicked my liver. It basically fucked everything up. It didn’t hit my heart, though. Word is bond. I didn't know I got shot at the time. I guess 'cause I was running and adrenaline. When we finally reached safety though, that's when it started hitting me. My side started feeling wet. I felt it and I was like 'what the fuck, what the fuck is that?' My whole hand was red. I was like 'oh shit!' That's when it started hitting. Then it started burning and I collapsed. That’s why I got a lil' scar right here on my nose, 'cause I fell. Boob, he stayed with me and called police... Waiting for the ambulance, man, that was the worst experience ever. Honestly, I thought they was gon' let me die. At the time my mind was so crazy, and we hear about people our age dying all the time. I thought I was just gon' be another casualty."

"I was in the hospital for a month. The doctor was like, 'you're like Superman,' cause the bullet came out just inches from my spine. I was like, 'nah I'm blessed, dawg.' Real shit, you feel me? That's when I knew I had a purpose. I had friends who died from leg shots, feel me? Got stabbed. Things we think is simple but they died from it. I got hit in the chest. I'm blessed bro. I can't complain about nothing. I'm still here. Ten fingers, ten toes. I'm good, bro. Word. I think that was God telling me like, 'slow down,' but having him was really the icing on the cake. I'm here for a reason. I know he's one of them and I'm trying to do whatever I have to do to make sure he won't go through that."

"I got so many friends that's locked up or dead. They got kids out here, feel me? It's sad to say but it's like it's normal. Mothers who gotta' be like, 'now we gotta' go see daddy,' and he's locked up. That shit ain't normal. I refuse to do that to my son. I refuse to let that be my story, man. I refuse. That's why everything I do now is for him. We gotta' break the cycle. Word up. Gotta' break the cycle."

"I want him to grow and have a passion and be able to turn that passion into a career. I'm big on entrepreneurship. The crazy part is our parents always taught us, 'you supposed to go to school, you supposed to get a job, work 40 years and then retire.' Listen, man. You ain't gotta' work to make somebody else rich. Us as Black people, especially in the hood right here, we don't have much power. So that's a way to get it. Financial freedom and entrepreneurship, man. That's what we gotta' teach our kids. Put all that into somehting that you love and make it your own, man. Make yourself rich. That's what I'm on now. My hat says, 'MI$$ION.' That's the mission. I'ma instill that into him."

"I love him and I just want him to know that anything that comes his way he could handle it and take it on the chin. You know how people say, 'I'd die for my kid?' I think the best thing we could do is to live for our kids. I'm living for him and I hope that I instill the right things in him. I hope that he'll grow to be a great, all around human being. He just gotta' have a lot of heart. That will get you far in anything."