Keith, Alana, & Nolan

Keith, 32

Alana, 7

Nolan, 3 weeks

"Growing up I had the life. I was basically raised in a project where a lot of people couldn't come in, but the people who was there. Everybody was family. The next door neighbor was my auntie. We had big mama and all that. So I was raised by a whole bunch of good people that raised me family oriented. We had the biggest apartment in the projets. 4 bedrooms. All of us in the same house. Grandparents in there. I loved that."

"My grandfather was really my father figure. He was the realest dude I ever met. A OG. He was a provider and everybody gravitated towards him. I was amazed. He used to sit at the top of the table and everybody would just flock to him. As a kid I'm looking at him like he God or something. He ended up dying of AIDS, so he was out in the streets, dipping and dabbling. I know he wasn't always doing right but he made sure home was taken care of. That his family was good. He showed me what a father figure and family man was supposed to look like. People might've looked at our family and seen poverty but I felt like the richest kid in the world. I was a kid with no worries 'cause of my grandfather. That's who I learned from."

"It's funny, you remember in The Fresh Prince, where his father came and then took him through the bullshit again? That's like my life story. 32 years of my life. In and out, in and out, in and out. 'Till it got to the point where it's like, 'stay the fuck out bro.' He met my daughter when she was 4 or 5. I lived in Ivy Hill. That's where he be running at. I pulled up on him and she just happened to be in the car with me. My daughter is gullible nah' mean? She's just a really loving person, so if if I tell her that's my dad, she's like, 'Oh so that's my papa. Automatically she's hyped to see him. I'm skeptical about it 'cause I know how this nigga play. He played with me like that so you not about to do that to her. And sure enough he did that. He was all, 'Oh I'ma come do this with you, I'ma do that with you. Got her all juiced up. And that's what did it with me. It's over bro. I don't give a fuck about me no more but now you do this with her? You buggin' and I'll be damned if he do that with my son. It's over. 'Cause now I feel like you a threat. You not my father, you a threat. Your negative energy is not welcome here. This is my house. This is my family. These are my kids. And to get to them you gotta' come through me."

"I can be bitter about it at times. What kid don't want their father in their life? How can I talk to my mother about sex? How can I talk to my mother about basketball? Football? Ma, can you come teach me how to shoot the ball? I can't do that with my mom. I didn't ask to be here. You created me dude, and then you just gonna' neglect me? It's nothing like saying, 'Damn yo, what's up with my father? My father used to call me, like, 'Yo I'ma come see you.' I'd be like, 'Aight. I'm at the blinds, like, 'Where he at?' My mother would come to comfort me, like, 'Let's go do something.' I'm asking her, 'What did I do wrong? What the fuck did I do wrong? What did I do wrong to make this man neglect me like this? What the fuck? Am I doing something wrong?' We all human at the end of the day, but how much you think I could take? How much? I got emotions too. I used to ball up crying, literally in tears. It got to the point where my mother was like, fuck it. Took him to court and everything. We had supervised visitation. Had to sit at this table with this old white lady watching us talk. I felt so uncomfortable. I'm just sitting there looking at this nigga and he's just sitting there looking at me. I'm like, what the fuck, son. What we doing here? We supposed to be out playing basketball. This is some bullshit. We in the fucking court house. Then he stopped coming to that. He just stopped doing shit, bro. He just stopped. So you fuckin' right I feel some type of way about that and I'm 32 years old. It angers me, you feel me? 'Cause I look in my kids eyes and I say to myself, how can I leave y'all? Regardless of whatever your mom may put me through, you're mine. You're a product of me. So why would I wanna' take myself away from you? Man, that's a bitter sweet moment."

"I don't know what stopped him from getting his shit together. and you know what? I got tired of trying to figure it out. They had the Lincoln Park Festival down there. My stepfather was there. He was like, 'Yo, I saw your father.' I was like, 'Word?' I called him. 'Yo why you ain't tell me you was here?' He was like, 'Uh, I had to do this, that, and the third,' or whatever. So I was like, 'You know what? I ain't satisfied until we fight. Real shit. That's gon' make me satisfied. You wanna' keep playing with me. I tried to open myself up and tried to skip the bullshit that you put me through but you wanna' keep playing this in and out game…we gotta' fight.' I ain't heard from him ever since. I'm used to it though. I'm 32 years old and I don't have 1 card from my father. 1 birthday card. 1 Father's Day card. Nothing, bro. Nothing. I feel like he was just like, he's my son but it is what it is. He'll figure it out. And you know what? I fucking figured it out. And I feel great that I figured it out. I feel fucking great."

"When I had her, I was 25 at the time. I wasn't ready. I was still out here. Dipping and diving, nah' mean? When my daughter's mother told me, at first I was shocked but then I was like, 'That's whats up. We good.' But then shit started getting salty. I lost my job at the time. Shit started getting crazy so I turned to the street. I was always there but I stayed low so niggas didn't really know what I was doing. So at that time, we bubbling, out here acting crazy. Then I wound up getting shot. '09. That's why I love my mother 'till this day. Regardless of the arguments. She did shit for a reason. She didn't want me ending up like other niggas out here. She always supported me, regardless of the situation. When I got shot I remember the cops asking me who did it. I was like, 'I don't know, but where my mother at 'cause I wanna' see her. I wanna' see her face. That's when I was like, fuck it I'm chillin'. Fast money got consequences that come with it. It made me start thinking about shit. Then a lot of people I was getting money with started acting funny. A lot of people started getting bagged, too, so I was like, man I'm about to have a baby. I'll be damned if I do all this. So I had to ask myself, you gonna' keep doing this or you gonna' get on this legal shit? I can't touch my daughter? You buggin'. I gotta' touch you through a glass? Or God forbid something happen...Niggas is hating 'cause we getting this amount of money or whatever. Now you wanna' take my life 'cause you can't eat? Instead of just getting on the team? Nah', you buggin'. So I stopped. Thank god I found a job. I'm stable now and I'm happy. I'm happy to come home and see my kids and be like, 'What's up? Let's watch a movie.'"

"How do you not wanna' be in your kids life? Sometimes I be asking niggas that. That's the most beautiful thing God created. For a woman to give birth to something that you created. That shit's strong, like, you looking at your girl go through all that pain for you. How can you let them down? Regardless of whatever the case may be, whatever you and the mother go through, you gotta' take care of that. Real talk, bruh. My son dead ass locked eyes. What can you do when your kid is just there looking at you? Just staring at you. You see me. You know my presence is there. So you're expecting me to be there for you until I'm gone. You better believe I'ma be there. When you came out that womb the first person you saw was me. Your father. You feel me? I don't want my kids to ever feel the way I feel for my father, which is hatred. And that's a very strong word to use towards somebody who created you or helped create you. A very strong word. 'Cause I feel as though I didn't ask to be on this earth. You decided to do what you wanted to do with my moms and I'm a product of what you did, so you couldn't step up ? You couldn't do what you had to do? I don't ask for much. I'd feel good just holding hands with my dad, walking down the street. My daughter don't ask for nothing. I just gotta' be there. I don't have to do nothing. I'm just here and she's all over me. 'Daddy ! Daddy! Daddy!' How do you not want to be around that? That's the most beautiful thing in the world. I don't know how niggas dont appreciate that. It's fucked up and the only thing you're fucking up is your kids."

"The first time I held her, she just opened her eyes and looked up at me. And I looked back at her and I cried. I cried and I cried hard. Real hard. She don't even know I be crushing on her. You don't even know that you changed your father a lot. For real. You turned your father fom a lil' ass boy to a grown ass man. I appreciate you for that. Just look at that joy. I love her. Shit, you a product of me." People don't get that feeling. That's a connection like, you looking at me dead in my eye. So, you here for a reason and I'm here for a reason. You in my arms for a reason. I'ma hold you. I'ma guide you and make sure I'm here to protect you through thick and thin. Anything. I'm here. I just balled crying.

"Same thing with my son. How you just born and I finally get to hold you and the first thing you do is look up at me, and we just lock eyes. Like shit, you mine. Nah' mean? I would do whatever for you, it don't even matter. Can't nothing take that away. That joy right there. Knowing that I created this person. This beautiful human being that I'm holding right here. I created you. I had a part in that. What else can I do but be here for you? Knowing what I been through with not having a father around, you think I'ma leave you? You buggin'. You looked at me for a reason. Like, Nigga I'm here. What you gon' do? I'ma step up. What you think I'ma do? I will never let you down. I always told myself that."

"Having a family is the next level of manhood. You yearn for that, nah' mean? Niggas could say what they want. You fuck with women, you have your fun or whatever. That's cool, but how long you gonna' keep doing that? How long do you have your run? Being a family man is fucking awesome. You got your girl. You got your kids. You got your house. You the man now. This is my domain, you feel me? How do you not want that? How do you not want your own? Ain't nothing like waking up to your kids and your lady. Is my relationship perfect? Hell no. But, I take the pros with the cons. It's mine. I gotta' provide. You can't call yourself a king if you can't take care of your household. It feels great to be a father, man. I don't see how niggas don't wanna be there for their kids."

"You gotta' be patient and you gotta' be their biggest fan. They gotta' know, 100 percent, that you got their backs at all times. It motivates them. It's like a little push to get them to achieve any goal that they want. Always be their support system. Always be there. It ain't always about 'I'ma buy my daughter this.' You could buy them all the material things they want, but you gotta' be there. I'm my kids' number 1 cheerleader, bro. Nolan is only 2 weeks old but if he tells me 'Yo I'm trying to be a NBA star, I'ma do anything to get him there. I'ma do everything. My daughter wants to be a gymnast. She says she wanna' be like Gabby Douglas. I tell her, 'Baby, you could be better than her.' I love when she calls and is like, 'Daddy I got a 99 on my test.' 'So, what you gonna' do on the next test? You gon' get 100?' 'Yeah Daddy, I'ma do that.' And then the next day she'll be like, 'I got a hundred.' 'Congratulations, baby.' I just want them to achieve all their goals and be themselves. People always ask, 'why you ain't name Nolan after you?' For what? I want him to have his own identity. I want him to be him. I want him to be Nolan. I'm Keith. She's Alana. Her fun is Barnes and Noble. Reading books. 7 years old, smart as shit. So, I just want them to have their own identities. You wanna' be a photographer? You wanna' be a singer? Go 'head. Just know I'm here for you. That's the biggest thing for me, bro. Just letting them be their own people."